


Reflections of the Brokenhearted

by BriellaBleu



Category: Glee
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9195440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriellaBleu/pseuds/BriellaBleu
Summary: Sam and Mercedes' hearts break at the exact same time. Here is their reflections of that moment and the journey they take on their way back to each other.





	1. Breathe Part 1

He couldn't breathe.

Sam stared at Mercedes unblinkingly as she sang her rendition of 'I Will Always Love You.' He stared at her as she shattered his heart. He stared at her because he loved her. He stared because she was everything to him and he had never been prouder than he had been in that moment.

But he couldn't breathe.

The need was there but he couldn't make himself do it. He was suffocating but that was fine because he felt as if he was slowly dying inside anyway. Hearing her say good-bye to him was killing him but he didn't know how to make it stop. What a cruel twist of fate to have your salvation standing mere feet away from you watching as you slowly perish. What had he done to deserve this? Why couldn't he ever get what wanted? Why couldn't he ever have happiness that lasted longer than a few weeks?

Why couldn't he breathe?

As Sam listened to Mercedes sing to him about how she hoped life treated him kind and that he got everything he dreamed of the tears started to well in his eyes. She was everything he dreamed of, she was his dream girl. If life truly wanted to treat him kind it would give him her. How can he have joy and happiness without his heart? Was he being punished for what happened with Shane? Yes, he knew he was wrong, but honestly, wasn't the punishment too harsh for the crime? He didn't regret a single thing that he did to get Mercedes back until that moment. He re-traced his actions in his mind and tried to pinpoint the exact moment he pushed too hard. That one step too far that was more than Mercedes could handle. Was it the tilt-a-whirl comment? Or the tweet about her smelling good? Or maybe it was the dig at Shane during God Squad? What had he done so horribly that fate deemed it necessary to punish him this way? The more Sam thought it about it the madder he got. Screw fate! He fought for the woman he loved and that he knew loved him, there is nothing wrong with that. He shouldn't be punished for that. He shouldn't have to hurt this way. No matter the pain, Sam realized he couldn't regret the steps that brought him to this place because in the end it brought Mercedes back to him even though it was temporary. Hearing her say she loved him was everything. Hearing her say that was a soothing balm that lessened the ache of his broken heart. It didn't fix it but it made it somewhat bearable. Hearing her say that took his breath away.

Is that why he still couldn't breathe?

Sam closed his eyes because he could no longer stand to look at her because it hurt too damn much. But as cruel fate would have it he couldn't even escape her behind shut lids. The second he closed his eyes he was instantly transported to the balcony of the auditorium and he looked down on the most stunning vision he had ever seen in his life. Mercedes was a revelation in a red dress that hugged every curve that God gave her. The ball in Sam's throat began to get bigger and bigger and he took in the sight of her on stage doing what she loved, surrounded by bright lights. She was star, and she was his star but like all the stars in the sky she was made to be admired from afar. She was beautiful, one of a kind, and completely unreachable. The realization of that hit Sam like a ton of bricks. Who knew what the future would bring for them but he knew right then in that moment that he couldn't have her and it broke his heart. Sam opened his eyes and found himself back in the choir room staring deep in the watery brown eyes of Mercedes. At the sight of her Sam sucked in a deep breath and held it. Seeing her in pain was too much for him, he had to leave but it was physically impossible to do that while she was still singing. He waited until she finished that last, long, heart-breaking note before he jumped up and walked out of the choir room as fast as his legs would carry him. As soon as he walked out of the choir room door he took off running until he reached the front doors. He burst through them and desperately tried to draw air into his lungs as the tears streamed down his face. Even as Sam took deep breaths of the cool air outside the feeling of suffocating still wouldn't go away. The ball in his throat wouldn't get any smaller. The tears falling from his eyes wouldn't stop. Sam felt helpless and alone and the vastness of that feeling scared him. Being alone didn't frighten him, but being without Mercedes in his life scared him to death. The idea of not seeing her every day, or hearing her voice, or seeing her smile made it impossible to breathe. She took his breath away but at the same time she gave him life. She brightened his day, and she made him feel as if he could accomplish anything with her by his side. Every time he looked in her eyes he saw what he hoped would be his children's eyes one day. Every time she was by his side he could imagine them the same way 50 years in the future. Life threw him one hell of a curve ball today but lucky for him, he was a hell of a ball player. Mercedes might not be his present but she would be his future.

That realization and the peace that came from it made Sam smile. He took a deep breath and the suffocating feeling that he felt from the second Mercedes told him that she couldn't be with him slowly began to dissipate.

He could breathe again.


	2. Breathe Part 2

She couldn't breathe.

Mercedes stared down at the small figurine in the heart box and her heart began to break. This was supposed to be easy. Telling Sam that things between them wouldn't be happening anytime soon was supposed be a relief from all the guilt. She was supposed to feel uplifted after releasing herself from the romantic entanglement she found herself in, but instead, it felt as if heart was cracking and her lungs were shrinking. She was doing the right thing and it should be easy. She confessed everything to Shane and now she had to let Sam down. She just had to face him and tell him that she couldn't be with anyone until she got her mind right. She could do this, she did it with Shane and she could do it with Sam. Things with Shane will never be the same and she felt bad about that but right is right, and he deserved to know the truth. She did it once, she could do it again. She could tell Sam that she didn't want to be with him. She could do it. She could. She had to. She would get the words out.

But she couldn't breathe.

Listening to Sam talk about all the work he put into her Valentine's gift was becoming physically painful so she blurted out about her break-up with Shane. Sam's initial reaction of shock and a little bit of fear was quickly replaced with such relief and happiness that it made Mercedes want to forget all about doing the right thing and just do the thing that felt good. Seeing Sam that happy made Mercedes happy but the feeling was fleeting because she knew that taking the easy road wouldn't make her happy in the long run. Doing the right thing was important to her, and she never wanted to be like all those other girls that cheated and jumped from one guy to the next. She was better than that and she knew it. She was doing the right thing, damn it! But why did doing the right thing hurt so bad? Why was the thought of doing the right thingmaking her throat feel tighter, and tighter? Why was looking at Sam's sweet, expectant face making it hard for the words to come out? Why did the right thing have to hurt him?

Is that why she couldn't breathe?

As Sam leaned in for a kiss Mercedes put her hand up to his chest and pushed back, slowly shaking her head. She knew what she had to do but she wasn't ready. Breaking things off with Shane hurt because she didn't like the idea of hurting someone else. On the other hand, breaking things off with Sam was slowly killing her. Admitting to her mistakes wasn't easy but it was nothing compared to having to endure the look on Sam's face when she poured out her feelings to him. The feeling of knowing that you are breaking someone's heart is a terrible one, but knowing you are breaking the heart of the person you love dearly is torturous. Why did it have to be like this? Why did he have to leave this summer? Why did he have to come back? Why did he have to ask for that dance at prom? Where would she be if he didn't? Why is the man that was her first real dance, her first real kiss, and her first real love the same one that was her first real heartbreak? Mercedes wanted answers but she was running out of time. She couldn't stall any longer, she needed to end her thing with Sam and she needed to end it now. The words were finally coming out, but they sounded rehearsed and memorized and that's because they were. If given the chance to say what was really in her heart Mercedes would have said, "I love you, don't leave me. I need you. Stay. I love you." But instead she recited the speech she practiced and watched as the glow faded from Sam's green eyes. After all this time she had finally broken him and in turn she had broken herself. The little bit of her heart that was still desperately clinging on finally shattered with the rest of it after Sam uttered the words, "we would never do that to each other." She knew he would never do that to her but she wasn't so sure about herself any longer. How could she run the risk of doing to him what she had done to Shane? Sam deserved better than that and until she was there she was going to keep him at arm's length. Mercedes knew she was doing the right thing, she just knew it. She was hurting him a little bit now to avoid a whole lot of hurt later. She was right and surely he would understand that? As Mercedes looked into Sam's dull, watery green eyes she realized that no, he wouldn't understand it and the more she thought about it she didn't understand it either. Unfortunately, the damage was done and after telling Sam that she couldn't be with him he finally had enough and walked away. The little bit of remaining air in Mercedes' lungs escaped her as she stood in shocked silence as Sam walked down the hall. She wondered if this is how it felt for him all those times she walked away? And if so, how was he still standing? The feeling inside felt like it was crushing her and she couldn't catch her breath.

Why couldn't she breathe?

It wasn't supposed to feel like this. It was supposed to be easy. Where is that rush of relief now that it's all over? Where is that feeling of peace now that it's all done? Why does it feel like Sam is taking something vital for her survival with him? Why did it feel as if she had something vital of his as well? Mercedes stared down at the heart in her hands and she smiled slightly through the pain. Sam gave her his heart so it's only fair that he keep the broken pieces of hers. Whole or not, it was always his.

God, how it hurt her to breathe.

The acceptance of that fact that Sam had her heart and she had his finally gave Mercedes the peace that she needed. She needed time to figure things out, but she knew that Sam would give it to her. She needed space to find her right way but she knew that Sam would give that to her too. Even if Mercedes doesn't always have faith in herself yet when it comes to love she has complete faith in him and as the realization of that starts to sink in Mercedes smiles. She isn't there yet, but one day she will be and all the hurt and heartbreak will be a distant memory. Sam may not be her present but he will be her future. As that feeling starts to set in the despair and anxiety she felt earlier starts to fade away.

She could breathe again.


	3. Look Part 1

He couldn't look at her.

It had been 1 month, 12 days, 16 hours, and 24 minutes since he made full eye contact with Mercedes. 1 month, 12 days, 16 hours and 24 minutes since he had looked her in the eye as she shattered his heart into a million pieces. Every time Mercedes was in his presence he could feel every single move she made. The broken pieces of his heart responded to her even when his eyes refuse to find her. She was the other half of his soul, it was impossible not to feel presence with every fiber of his being.

But he couldn't look at her.

He could feel her searching his face with her eyes, begging him to look at her but he couldn't do it. Was it childish? Maybe. But somehow doing everything he could to hold himself together didn't seem so childish to him. He wanted to look at her, he wanted nothing more than to stare at her beautiful face all day long but it hurt. It physically hurt to look her, much in the way it hurts to stare at the sun too long. He thought getting screwed over by Quinn hurt. He thought getting kicked to the curb like day old garbage by Santana hurt. He thought his family losing everything hurt. He thought walking away from Mercedes the first time around hurt. Nothing compared to this. All of that combined didn't compare to this. Why wouldn't it stop? It had been 1 month, 12 days, 16 hours and 24 minutes so why does it still hurt? The ache had dulled to a constant throb, but it was always there right under the surface ready to bring him to his knees.

Is that why he couldn't look at her?

He sat in the choir room and watched Santana and Brittany sing a love song to each other and he bit back the bitter rage that threatened to erupt from him. He wanted to grab Mercedes by the hand and drag her from the room and demand that she fix herself so that she could fix them so that he could stop hurting all the damn time. He wanted to be mad at her. He wanted to hate her. He wanted to forget her. He wanted to do whatever he could to make this dull, constant ache go away but he couldn't. Because he respected her too much to be mad at her, he loved her too much to hate her, and she was embedded too deep in his heart to ever forget her. So he was stuck. He was stuck with this constant ache that seemed like it would never go away and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it other than wait and hope that she would come and relieve him of his pain soon. The rage slowly began to disappear, but his body remained tight because he could feel Mercedes watching him again. Everything inside of him was screaming for him to turn his head and acknowledge her, but that little bit of self-preservation that still remained wouldn't let him do it. That tiny thread that was holding all the pieces of him together inside wobbled but it held strong, and continued to hold him together. Sam relaxed because he thought he won this round but then he heard Mercedes give a small sigh and say, "Sam" so softly it sounded the way he thought a butterfly's wings fluttering against someone's skin would feel. That small sound might as well have been a kick to his gut because it took his breath away. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will back the tears that were threatening to surface, but they kept coming anyway. He pushed to his feet and stalked out of the choir room in the middle of Santana and Brittany's duet leaving a stunned glee club in his wake. He just needed air because that suffocating feeling that he hadn't felt since that fateful day was starting to come back and he didn't want to have to ever feel that crushing despair ever again. He just needed to be away from her and her soft words so that he could breathe. After a minute of sucking in as much oxygen as he could handle he began to calm down but then he heard it again.

"Sam?"

He clutched his stomach and leaned his head up against his locker and clenched his eyes shut and shook his head back and forth. He couldn't deal with this right now.

"Sam. Look at me."

He wanted to so bad, but he couldn't. Why couldn't she understand that?

"Please, Sam. Please look at me."

Why was she torturing him? Was she trying to ruin him? Did she like seeing him suffer?

"Go back to the choir room Mercedes."

"No. Look at me. Now!"

Sam had no intention to do any of that but then she touched him. She grabbed the arm that was clutching his stomach and she began tugging on it until he was forced to turn and face her. His heart began to race, and his palms started to sweat, and he began to panic because he knew he wasn't ready. He had finally gotten to a place where he could function and now she was trying to knock him all the way back to square one. He couldn't handle the pain, he couldn't go back to that feeling he had before Valentine's Day. He wouldn't do it. Sam shut his eyes and started to move past Mercedes but she slid her hand down his arm until their fingers were linked. The feeling of her palm against his instantly calmed his pounding heart. Sam took a moment to relish the feeling of their skin touching again and revel in the knowledge that for the first time in 1 month, 12 days, 16 hours and 26 minutes that dull pain was gone.

"Please look at me Sam."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"This is hard for me too, you know."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"Well, if you'd look at me you'd know it."

With that statement Sam opened his eyes and he stared down into Mercedes wide brown eyes. The feeling of looking at her again, really looking at her, was indescribable. He wanted to drink it in. He wanted to run away. He needed her. He couldn't have her. He felt a million things in that moment, a million things that he would attempt to catalogue later but in that moment he simply cherished being able to look into her eyes. Her dull, sad eyes that mirrored his. The eyes that were the windows of her soul and showed that she felt just as sad and lifeless as he did. The eyes that showed that she loved him just as much now as she did back then. The eyes that were his destruction and his salvation at the same time. Sam's eyes slid closed again as he leaned down until his forehead touched Mercedes.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too…but, I just need time."

"I know."

"Don't hate me."

"I couldn't even if I tried, believe me."

"Sam, look at me."

Sam opened his eyes to find Mercedes staring intently at him. He gave her a small smile and she smiled back and said,

"I love you, please believe that."

"I know."

Sam wanted to say it back but the lump that formed in his throat wouldn't allow him to. He wasn't trying to punish her or leave her feeling as if he didn't love her back but he couldn't say it. Not like this. Not under these circumstances. Not while his heart lay in a useless pile of broken pieces in his chest. Sam took his forehead off of hers and replaced it with his lips. He gave her a soft kiss before squeezing her hand and walking down the hallway. He walked even though he could feel the dull ache start up again. He walked even though he could her Mercedes start to cry behind him. He walked because if he stopped he would have been back at her side in an instant begging her to take him back and ease the pain. He kept walking because he knew in the long run this would be what was best for both of them.

He didn't look back.


	4. Look Part 2

He wouldn't look at her.

Mercedes had been staring at Sam since glee rehearsal started 40 minutes ago but he wouldn't look at her. She knew he could feel her because she could feel him. She could feel him purposely trying to ignore her. She could feel the struggle he was waging to appear indifferent. She knew it because she had lived it for 1 month, 12 days, 16 hours and 24 minutes. She couldn't do it anymore. She wanted to tell him, she needed to tell him.

Why wouldn't he look at her?

When Mercedes uttered those heartbreaking words, "I can't be with you" to Sam she did it because she wanted to feel relief from the guilt that had been weighing her down. She got that relief but the crushing pain that followed immediately after made that guilt seem like nothing in comparison. She made a total mess of things and she wanted to fix it but she didn't know how. She told him that she needed time to figure out who she was when it came to love but it has been 1 month, 12 days, 16 hours, and 24 minutes and she still doesn't know. How could she possibly find out when all she could feel, think about, or see was Sam? How was she supposed to figure out what she needed when the only thought that clouded her mind was him? She missed him. She missed that crooked smile he always gave her. She missed the looks he gave her during performances when an especially poignant or romantic lyric was sung by one of their fellow glee clubbers. She missed his snarky comments during God Squad meetings. She missed how he would always make an effort to 'accidentally' brush up against her every time he walked past. She missed him teasing her. She missed his laugh. She missed his voice. She missed him. As she continued to watch him actively ignore her it struck her just how much of her broken heart he occupied. She wanted so badly to tell him how she felt but how could she do that when he wouldn't look her in the eye?

All she needed him to do was look at her.

Mercedes couldn't pay any attention to Brittany and Santana as they sang some sickly sweet duet to each other because she focused all of her attention on willing Sam to look at her. She watched as his body literally tightened up like a coiled spring and the knuckles on his hand turned stark white as he gripped the chair and she knew he could feel her watching him. Seeing Sam affected that way bothered Mercedes so much that she looked away. As she stared at the jazz band over in the corner she rapidly blinked back tears and tried desperately not to succumb to the feeling of hopelessness. Being with Sam used to be as natural as breathing but now it seemed like a constant endless battle that neither one of them would ever win. It wasn't supposed to be like this. When she told him she needed to find out who she was she never intended for it to be forever, but why did it feel like it would be? Mercedes turned back to look at Sam and she noticed that he visibly relaxed to the point that he almost looked like the Sam she used to know. Before she could stop herself she whispered his name but then immediately wished that she hadn't. His response was almost violent as he jumped out of his chair and stalked out of the choir room. Everyone looked around in stunned silence as Mercedes quickly jumped out of her chair and followed suit.

As Mercedes made her way down the hallway she began to feel herself get angrier and angrier. Sam was being ridiculous! Yes, she knew she hurt him, but damn it she was hurt too. It was time they stopped avoiding each other and dealt with their issues like adults. By the time she rounded the corner to the lockers she was ready to give Sam Evans a piece of her mind, but then she saw him. He was doubled over and taking deep gulps of air and he looked as if he just completed a marathon race. All of the anger drained out of Mercedes because she knew all too well what that felt like. Desperately trying to hold yourself together all the time was exhausting. It was a seemingly never-ending hellish race that neither one of them signed up for but were both enduring because the prize at the end was so worth it.

Mercedes stepped closer to Sam and whispered his name again and she watched helplessly as he stood up and faced his locker and grabbed his stomach as if he were in pain. He started shaking his head back and forth and she knew he wanted her to leave—needed her to leave, but she couldn't do it. She would not walk away from him again. They needed to talk, and they needed to talk now.

"Sam. Look at me."

He didn't turn around but he stopped shaking his head back and forth so Mercedes celebrated that mini-victory.

"Please, Sam. Please look at me."

Mercedes knew the begging was a low blow but she was getting desperate. She didn't realize until just then how she missed his pretty green eyes looking into hers. She needed that like she needed air and if she had to get on her knees and beg for it then she would. She started to say something again but she was cut off by Sam.

"Go back to the choir room Mercedes."

Mercedes knees buckled slightly at the sound of Sam's deep voice finally speaking directly to her after over a month of silence. She didn't know whether to cry from joy at hearing his voice or cry from sadness at the fact that he ordered her away. Mercedes shook away the feeling of rejection and said,

"No. Look at me. Now!"

Sam flinched at the sound of her voice but he didn't turn and look at her, in fact his eyes were closed and he looked as if he planned to walk right past her. Mercedes wasn't about to let that happen so she grabbed his arm and slid her hand down the inside of his forearm until she reached his hands. She linked their fingers together, and the instant their hands were locked she felt as if she were home. She didn't realize how much she missed his touch, how much she needed it until that moment. How had she lived a second without feeling his hands against hers? How could she ever think that time could ever give her the clarity that one touch from him could? What was she doing and why was she doing it? Nothing else made sense anymore except for the two of them. Mercedes stared up at the man she loved and marveled at how such a beautiful face could be so full of pain.

"Please look at me Sam."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"This is hard for me too, you know."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"Well, if you'd look at me you'd know it."

Mercedes held her breath after she uttered those words and expelled it slowly as she watched Sam open his eyes and look down at her. His dull, watery green eyes mirrored her own and it broke her heart to see him that way, especially when she knew she was the cause of it. She waited patiently as she watched Sam look at her as if he were seeing her for the first time. As if she was some precious jewel that he had been searching years for and had finally found. He looked at her as if she was everything and it warmed the broken, scattered pieces of her heart. Mercedes felt her breath catch in her throat as she felt Sam lean closer and closer until his forehead was resting against hers. They both gave a small sigh of relief because just for a second the endless tension that had been a constant in their lives for weeks was temporarily relieved.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too…but, I just need time."

"I know."

Mercedes didn't know why she said that. She didn't need time, she needed him and she needed him now. But there was something inside of her that wouldn't allow her to let go of the idea of finding herself before she started a relationship. She wanted to explain that to him but how could she explain a feeling that she didn't even understand herself?

"Don't hate me."

"I couldn't even if I tried, believe me."

The way Sam said that made it clear that the idea of hating her had crossed his mind and it scared the hell out of Mercedes. What if he fell out of love with her before she could figure out her mess? What would she do then? She considered lying and telling him that she was ready just to keep him, but she knew that she couldn't do that to him or herself. Whatever indistinct feeling she had that was stopping her from fully committing was there for a reason. Brushing it aside just to get rid of the ache was about as effective as putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. She wanted her relationship with Sam to work, she wanted forever. She was doing the right thing, she had to believe that.

"Sam, look at me."

Sam opened his eyes and stared intently at Mercedes. He smiled softly at her and the joy inside her that came from that was indescribable.

"I love you, please believe that."

"I know."

The smile on Mercedes face froze. The joy flickering around the broken pieces of her heart evaporated. She tried not to be devastated by Sam's words but they hurt. She knew he loved her, she could see it in his eyes but she didn't realize how important hearing it was until just then. She needed to hear it the way a dying man in the desert needs a drink of water. She needed it the way plants and trees need sunlight to grow. She needed it, even though she probably didn't have the right to want it. She did break his heart after all; maybe this is exactly what she deserves.

Mercedes held perfectly still as Sam took his forehead off of hers and replaced it with his lips. She savored the brief press of his soft lips against her skin. She ached after hearing the small groan that came out of his mouth as he wrenched it away from her head. She marveled at the feeling of his strong hand squeezing hers before she suddenly felt empty and cold. Just as quickly as she felt his touch it was gone. She watched as he walked away from her, and the tears that she had valiantly kept at bay started to fall uncontrollably. Mercedes never considered herself a glutton for punishment but she waited and waited for him to turn around to give her one last look.

He didn't look back.


	5. Feel Part 1

He needed to feel her.

I had been two weeks to the day since his little encounter with Mercedes in the hallway and Sam's body ached to have something-anything, like it again. He missed her terribly. The constant ache had been downgraded to a dull throb but it still hurt like hell. He needed to feel her body against his. He needed to feel her hands against his. He needed to feel her lips on his skin. He needed just to feel her. As the days have passed and the ache had lessened, he was able to see her more clearly. She glowed. She exuded something that only he could see, that only he could appreciate and he wanted nothing more than to revel in it. He needed her. His hands still tingled from when he held hers two weeks ago. His lips still burned from the feeling of being pressed against her smooth brown skin. God, he needed her.

He needed to feel her.

Sam broke out of his reverie at the sound of Mercedes' loud boisterous laughter, and he couldn't help but smile. Even at his absolute lowest the sound of her laughter could always bring a smile to his face. The memory of her laughing by the lake as he relentlessly tickled her still haunted him to this day. It kept him up at night, but being the glutton for punishment that he was he would replay those scenes over and over again in his mind. He promised himself that he would make her laugh like that again, and he had every intention of hearing that laugh every single day for the rest of his life. Sam could feel himself dropping back into another memory of summer days and nights with Mercedes when he heard her say,

"Mr. Schue, I have to run to my locker real quick and grab something."

After getting a nod of approval from Mr. Schue she headed out the door, but Sam on the other hand didn't even bother getting permission as he followed quickly behind her. She was halfway to her locker before he grabbed her hand from behind and dragged her into an empty classroom.

"Wha? Sam what the hell are you doing?"

"Shhhhh…."

Sam had no idea what he planned to do now that he had her alone but all he knew was that he had her all to himself for just a minute and he was going to savor every second of it.

Sam shut the door and he gently positioned Mercedes so that she was pressed up against it. Her eyes got wide as he stalked closer and closer but he could tell it wasn't from fear but from anticipation. The electricity that sparked between them was a palpable thing and he was surprised that their hair wasn't standing on it's because of it. He placed his right arm beside her head on the door and leaned forward until his forehead was touching hers. They stared deeply in each other eyes for what felt like days but was actually only seconds. He slowly lifted his left hand to her face and took his index finger and ran it down her nose before sliding it down her lips. She whispered his name softly and his stomach clenched. He wanted to kiss her so badly it hurt. Everything in him was screaming to lean forward and put them both out of their misery but something stopped him. A kiss is what got them here in the first place. Maybe if they had resisted the urge to kiss her after they sang Human Nature together then maybe Mercedes wouldn't have felt so guilty. Maybe if he had a little bit of self-control back then he wouldn't be suffering the consequences now. No, there wouldn't be a kiss—not today.

But couldn't he just feel her for a little bit?

Sam continued to run his finger over her face. Every time he made a pass over her lips Mercedes would smile and it tugged at his broken heartstrings over and over again.

"Why did you do this?"

"I needed to feel you, is that so bad?"

"No, I need to feel you too."

"What's stopping you?"

With that question Mercedes got a determined glint in her eye and Sam steeled himself because he was sure what was about to happen would be pure torture. She grabbed the finger that had been gently perusing her face and she kissed it. She then followed the same pattern with the rest of his fingers before kissing the middle of his palm. By the time she was finished Sam had tears in his eyes and he was finding it hard to breathe.

"I love your hands…I love the way the feel on me."

Sam groaned loudly and shut his eyes.

"You can't say stuff like that to me Mercedes."

She looked up at him with hurt eyes and asked why not.

"Because I would love nothing more than to feel you with these hands, but once I get started I can't promise that I will be able to stop."

"What makes you think I'd want you to?"

Sam used his right hand to push back from the door and he put several feet between himself and Mercedes.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Me? You were the one that brought me in here remember."

"So, what, is this payback?"

Mercedes gave him a hurt look, and shook her head.

"I can't do this anymore. Why are we still doing this?"

"You needed time remember?"

"That's not what I'm talking about! Why can't we be normal anymore? Why can't we have a conversation that lasts longer than five minutes without hurting each other?"

"I don't have an answer for that. How could I? You broke us. You did. We can't be normal after that."

"That isn't fair. What happened between us wasn't just my fault. How could you even think that?"

"If you wanted time all you had to do was ask, that's all you had to do. You didn't have to stomp all over my heart to get it."

Mercedes recoiled back as if she had been slapped.

"You know what, I'm done. I'm done feeling guilty. I'm done being sad. I'm done pining over a guy that apparently thinks I'm a horrible person. I'm just…I'm done."

Mercedes turned and opened the door but it was slammed shut almost instantly and she turned back to find Sam hovering over her. He was mad. He was so damn mad at her, he could barely see straight.

"You're done? After everything we've been through you're done?"

"Why shouldn't I be? How could you want to be with someone that stomped all over your heart?"

"Because I love you damn it. Because. I. Love. You."

Sam watched as Mercedes desperately tried and failed to hold back a smile. As usual that smile was his undoing and he could feel the anger draining out of him.

"You love me? Still?"

"Of course, I never stopped, I don't know how to stop. I don't want to stop. Ever."

Mercedes' eyes welled up with tears and Sam had to work to fight back his own.

"If you love me then how can you think such a horrible thing about me?"

"I…I was wrong for saying that. You didn't break us, being apart broke us and that was both of our faults."

Mercedes started to cry in earnest now and it broke Sam's heart all over again.

"Babe, please don't cry. I was an ass and I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry and I was lashing out. Please, please, please don't cry."

He poked out his bottom lip and after Mercedes saw it she gave a watery giggle.

"There's my laugh, I missed it."

"I miss you."

"I'm giving you what you asked for."

"What if that's changed?"

Sam's broken heart pieces stopped beating in his chest. He was too afraid to hope for the best and too scared to think of the alternate.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I've realized that I'm a 17-year-old girl. I haven't even fully figured out who I am as a person yet, so how can I figure out who or what I am with someone else?"

"Mercedes, I don't wan—"

"Let me finish. I have to grow and in order to that I have to make mistakes. What I did to Shane was a horrible mistake, one I have no intention of ever making again, but it was a mistake nonetheless. Loving you is not a mistake. Being with you is not a mistake. Our timing sucked and because of it we hurt someone who didn't deserve it. I'll always regret it, but I'll never regret loving you."

Sam wanted to say a million things but none of them could seem to make it past the lump in his throat so he just nodded.

"I want to be with you. I want us to be together. I know I've hurt you but I hope I'm not too late."

Sam swallowed hard and grabbed Mercedes face and tilted it up towards his. He leaned down until their lips were a millimeter apart and they were sharing the same breath.

"I will always want to be with you. I need you in my life. I can't live without you."

Tears started to spill out of Mercedes' eyes and they ran over his fingertips. The feeling of her face in his hand was magic. Holding her beautiful, tear-streaked face in his hands after all this time was pure heaven to him.

"I love you, Mercedes."

"I love you too, Sam."

The heat radiating from her lips was making him dizzy. He needed to kiss her so bad he could barely stand it. She was right there, if he pursed his lips they would be touching hers. The idea of feeling those big, beautiful lips against his again after all this time was heady. The anticipation was killing him all he had to do was lean forw—

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Mercedes? Sam? Are you in there?"

The sound of Mr. Schue's voice was the equivalent of someone throwing a bucket of ice cold water on you while you're sleeping. Instant shock followed closely by gripping, mind-numbing pain.

"I know you two are in there! I'm headed to the choir room now, and I expect the two of you to be in their immediately after. Got it?"

"Yes, Mr. Schue." They said simultaneously.

"I guess we should go back." Sam said sadly.

"Yeah, we should."

Neither one of them moved for a second but then Sam took his index finger and placed a kiss on it. He then took the finger and pressed it to Mercedes' full lips.

"This will have to do for now. I want our next first kiss to be perfect and I'm going to need plenty of time to make sure that happens."

Sam smirked as a slightly dazed Mercedes proceeded to take 5 minutes to open the doorknob. He chuckled softly after about her 50th unsuccessful try and he pressed his body up against hers. He put his hand over hers and turned the knob and opened the door. He brought his left hand back up to the door and effectively trapped Mercedes between him and the door for a second. Her breath caught and she let her head fall back on his chest. He leaned his head forward and nuzzled her neck before whispering in her ear,

"We've gotta go."

She groaned softly but nodded, and he allowed her to open the door fully. She walked out the door but once she realized he wasn't following she stopped and turned back.

"Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I just…give me a minute."

"Okay…"

Mercedes gave him a strange look but she headed on to class. Sam closed the door again and pressed his forehead against it and grimaced. He adjusted himself and tried desperately to think of anything that would make his little 'problem' go away. Despite his discomfort for the first time in almost two months Sam had a huge smile on his face.

He had a feeling that he would be getting his girl back real soon.


	6. Feel Part 2

She needed to feel him.

It had felt like forever since she had her moment with Sam in the hallway but it had only been two weeks. Two very long and painful weeks. Watching Sam walk away from her and not look back nearly killed her. She missed him. She needed him. She wanted him. God, how she wanted him.

She wanted to feel him.

Getting left in that hallway without being spared a backwards glance did something to Mercedes. In that moment, she realized just how much of a fool she had been. Not for having a genuine concern about rushing into a relationship unprepared, but for pushing him away and keeping him at arm's length because of it. Finding herself shouldn't have required her to break things off with Sam completely. Mercedes knew she had made so many mistakes but she was ready to fix them. Ever since she made that realization two weeks ago she started to feel lighter and lighter inside. That guilt that she had been carrying around for hurting Shane and Sam finally began to go away. She would always feel bad about what happened with Shane, but she wouldn't dwell on it any longer. She may have made a bad decision but she wasn't a bad person and she was finally ready to admit that to herself. She had been so intent on punishing herself for the last two months that she couldn't see that not only was she hurting herself, but Sam as well. He didn't deserve that and she hated that her poor decision making had caused so much heartache for Sam. She loved him, and despite his resistance to say it to her in the hallway she knew he loved her too.

Now that Mercedes had made her peace she wanted Sam back immediately, but she didn't know how to go about it. She could always feel him watching her and she knew that the electricity between them was still there and stronger than ever but she wasn't sure if he still wanted to be with her after all this time. Maybe he realized that loving someone wasn't enough of a reason to be with them? Maybe he got tired of waiting or the constant push and pull that they always seemed to be in? Mercedes knew she would drive herself crazy with the endless questions about Sam's intentions so she turned her attention back to Artie who was currently telling a joke. She barely listened which is probably why the joke made no sense at all but she laughed anyway. Choir practice was getting ready to start and she was about to take a seat when she felt it. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she got goose pimples all of her skin. He was watching her. She just knew it, she could feel it. Mercedes knew that he had watched her before but there was just something about this time that was different. Something about this time that was just too much for her to handle at the moment so she did the only thing she could do and that was run away. She told Mr. Schue that she had to get something from her locker and after barely acknowledging his nod of approval she took off. She didn't know if she wanted to go to the bathroom to throw cold water on her face or outside to breathe in some cool, fresh air. All she knew was that she had to get away from Sam, because she couldn't think straight when she could feel his eyes on her like that. She was halfway to the lockers when all of a sudden a strong hand grabbed her and dragged her into an empty classroom.

"Wha? Sam what the hell are you doing?"

"Shhhh…."

Mercedes had no intention of being quiet because sexual tension or not he still scared the hell out of her. She opened her mouth to tell him off before she could utter a word he shut the door and then he put his hand on her stomach and gently pushed her back until she was pressed up against it. Mercedes' breath caught and Sam came closer and closer into there was only about an inch of space between their bodies. It was too hot and she couldn't breathe, but damn it felt so good. She watched as Sam lifted his right arm and laid it against the door by her head. She felt his warm, sweet breath against her face as she stared into his eyes. They stood there for what felt like forever and just stared in each other's eyes. It was amazing much she missed being able to just look into the beautiful eyes of his. She could have done it all day long, but she was quickly distracted by Sam's hand approaching her face. He took his index finger and started to softly run it down her nose and lips. He did it over and over again until Mercedes knees were so weak she thought she would fall over at any second. Finally, she whispered his name and she watched a change come over him. He stopped touching her face and he squeezed his eyes tightly as if he were in pain. She was about to ask him if he were okay but then he suddenly opened his eyes and the look in them caused the words to get stuck in her throat. Nobody had ever looked at her as intensely as Sam was in that moment. If she could spontaneously combust from the heat coming out of his gaze she would. His hot gaze fell to her lips and tried her hardest to bite back a groan. She knew that look and she knew what happened after it, and she wanted it so damn bad. She wanted to feel those plump lips against hers again. She needed it like she needed air. Why wasn't he moving?

Why wouldn't he feel her?

Mercedes tried to ignore the disappointed feeling that came over her when the heat abruptly evaporated from Sam's gaze and he went back to running his finger over her face. The movement was sweet and she smiled every time he touched her lips, but she wanted more. She needed more. They both did.

"Why did you do this?"

Sam seemed startled by the question but he answered anyway.

"I needed to feel you, is that so bad?"

"No, I need to feel you too."

"What's stopping you?"

At that question Mercedes felt the determination rise inside her. He wanted her to touch him? Well, he was going to get what he asked for, plus a little more than he bargained for. Mercedes didn't take her eyes from his and she could read the challenge but a little bit of fear as well. She realized he was afraid of her- afraid of what she could make him feel. That realization gave Mercedes the confidence to make her next move. She grabbed the finger that was making lazy patterns on her face and she kissed it. She felt the slight breath that he blew out and she moved on to the next finger, and the one after that, and so on. When she was done with all his digits she could feel Sam's hand trembling slightly so she placed a kiss in the middle of his palm. When she looked up at him she could see the tears in his eyes and he looked as if he couldn't catch his breath. Mercedes knew she should back off and let him recover but she decided to go in for the kill instead.

"I love your hands," she whispered, "I love the way they feel on me."

Sam groaned loudly and clenched his eyes shut.

"You can't say stuff like that to me Mercedes."

Mercedes knew she hurt Sam but the idea of not being able to be completely honest and tell him all the amazing things he made her feel hurt her deeply.

"Why not?"

"Because I would love nothing more than to feel you with these hands, but once I get started I can't promise that I will be able to stop."

The vice grip on Mercedes heart loosened a little bit and she found it easier to breathe. If that was his reason then she could handle that.

"What makes you think I don't want you too?"

Sam suddenly pushed himself away from her and backed up a few steps.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked angrily.

Sam's tone was starting to piss Mercedes off and she wanted to remind him that this little 'meeting' wasn't her idea."

"Me? You were the one that brought me in here remember."

"So, what, is this payback?"

Sam was yelling now and he never yelled at her. She was mad but she was rapidly becoming more hurt than anything else. Did he really think she was a tease? Mercedes thought she was ready for this conversation but it was clear that she wasn't.

"I can't do this anymore. Why are we still doing this?"

"You needed time remember?"

She couldn't believe he threw that back in her face. This conversation needed to end and she knew it but she couldn't stop the words.

"That's not what I'm talking about! Why can't we be normal anymore? Why can't we have a conversation that lasts longer than five minutes without hurting each other?"

"I don't have the answer for that. How could I? You broke us. You did. We can't be normal after that."

Mercedes tried to stop the tears but she was so damn mad. How dare he! How dare he put all of this on her?  
"That isn't fair. What happened between us wasn't just my fault. How could you even think that?"

"If you wanted time all you had to do was ask, that's all you had to do. You didn't have to stomp all over my heart to get it."

Mercedes felt like she had just been slapped. Did he really feel this way about her? Was all of their moments in the last two months just remnants of what they used to have? Where did all the love go? She knew she messed up, but he seemed so bitter now. Had she really caused this? Mercedes didn't have the answers and she couldn't handle trying to figure them out right that second. She wanted to go somewhere and have a good cry and try to figure out how to get Sam Evans out of her heart.

"You know what, I'm done. I'm done feeling guilty. I'm done being sad. I'm done pining over a guy that apparently thinks I'm a horrible person. I'm just…I'm done."

Mercedes turned to open the door but was startled when a half-second the door slammed shut in her face. She whirled around to give Sam a piece of her mind but she was surprised to find him angrily hovering over her.

"You're done? After everything we've been through you're done?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" Mercedes asked bravely, "how could you be with someone that stomped all over your heart?"

"Because I love you, damn it. Because. I. Love. You."

Mercedes knew she should be angry, she knew she should probably be cussing him out for yelling at her. But all she could do was smile. He loved her.

"Still?"

"Of course, I never stopped. I don't know how to stop. I don't want to stop. Ever."

Mercedes tried desperately to fight a losing war with her tears.

"If you love me then how could you think such a horrible thing about me?"

"I…I was wrong for saying that. You didn't break us, being apart broke us and that was both of our faults."

With that admission, the last little bit of guilt and sadness that Mercedes seemed to be holding on to melted away and she fought to hold back a sob.

"Babe, please don't cry. I was an ass and I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry and I was lashing out. Please, please, please don't cry."

Mercedes looked up and saw Sam's full bottom lip poked out and she started to giggle.

"There's my laugh, I missed it."

"I miss you."

Sam smiled at that but his eyes were still sad.

"I'm giving you what you asked for."

"What if that's changed."

Mercedes watched as Sam's eyes widened and his breath caught.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I've realized that I'm a 17-year-old girl. I haven't even fully figured out who I am as a person yet, so how can I figure out who or what I am with someone else?

"Mercedes I don wan—"

"Let me finish. I have to grow and in order to do that I have to make mistakes. What I did to Shane was a horrible mistake, one I have no intention of ever making again, but it was a mistake nonetheless. Loving you is not a mistake. Being with you is not a mistake. Our timing sucked and because of it we hurt someone who didn't deserve it. I'll always regret it, but I'll never regret loving you."

Mercedes was proud of herself after her little speech and she looked into Sam's eyes and saw that reflected back.

"I want to be with you. I want us to be together. I know I've hurt you but I hope I'm not too late."

Mercedes held her breath as Sam gathered her face in his hands and leaned down until their lips were a millimeter apart.

"I will always want to be with you. I need you in my life. I can't live without you."

Mercedes was helpless to stop the tears from coming and she didn't even try to stop it this time.

"I love you, Mercedes."

"I love you too, Sam."

Mercedes' eyes lowered to Sam's full pink lips and she wanted nothing more than to feel them on hers. She needed it so desperately but she felt as if something were holding him back and she didn't want to rush him. She was a strong woman but this was killing her. Would he really mind all that much if she made the first move? She wanted to respect his space but oh, God all she had to do was lean up a little bit and his lip would be all over her—

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Mercedes? Sam? Are you in there?

Mercedes never wanted to harm someone as much as she wanted to in that moment. Damn Mr. Schue and his horrible timing!

"I know you two are in there! I'm headed to the choir room now, and I expect the two of you to be in there immediately after. Got it?"

"Yes, Mr. Schue."

"I guess we should go back."

"Yeah, we should."

Neither one of them moved for a second but then Sam took his index finger and placed a kiss on it. He then took the finger and pressed it to Mercedes' lips.

"This will have to do for now. I want our next first kiss to be perfect and I'm going to need plenty of time to make sure that happens."

Mercedes couldn't breathe. That man would be the death of her. She turned around and tried to open the door to leave but the connection between her brain and the rest of her body seemed to have short-circuited and she couldn't open the door. Finally, she heard Sam chuckle behind her and then she felt him. His whole body was pressed against her and the heat was indescribable. She wanted nothing more than just to stand like that all day but she knew they had to leave. She leaned her head back against his chest and clenched her thighs together when she felt him lean down and nuzzle her neck. Her stomach clenched tightly when he whispered in her ear with that panty-dropping deep voice,

"We've gotta go."

Mercedes groaned softly but she nodded, because one, she knew he was right, and two because she knew she would make a fool of herself if she stayed there alone with him any longer. She walked out the door but stopped when she realized he wasn't following. She turned back to him and noticed the slightly pained look on his face,

"Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I just…give me a minute."

"Okay…"

Mercedes gave him a look but she kept the smirk to herself until the door was closed because she knew what he needed his minute for. Truth be told, it made her feel good to get her man all hot and bothered, Lord knows he did it to her.

And she had a feeling it would always be like that.


	7. Taste Part 1

He needed to taste her.

It had been one week. One week exactly since Sam's heart started to mend itself. Seven days since the pain that had haunted him for almost two months disappeared. 168 hours since he had found his smile. 10,080 minutes since he got his Mercy back. Every day, he found himself returning to normal more and more. Every day he found himself bounding out of bed instead of forcing himself to get up. Every day he noticed the pep in his step became more and more pronounced. Every day he found it easier to smile and the sound of his laughter wasn't a foreign memory any longer. There was a faint memory of the pain he had endured that didn't want to go away, but it was nothing more than like the wisps of smoke that eventually dissipate after a smoker exhales. He wasn't 100% back to normal, but he was getting close and it was because of her. As he thought of her a goofy smile spread over his face and he did nothing to try to hide it. It felt good to smile. It felt good to have something to smile about. He didn't realize how much she owned him heart, mind, body and soul until he had to do without her. It was a hard lesson learned as far as Sam was concerned but it was one he promised himself he would never have to re-learn again. Now that he had his Mercy back he wasn't ever letting her go. The idea of having Mercedes by his side forever caused the goofy smile on Sam's face to grow even wider. He was sure he looked like the Joker at this point but he couldn't make himself care. He had his girl back! Everything was perfect—well, almost perfect…

He still needed to taste her.

He held her hand as he walked her to class every day and he always gave her a kiss on the cheek before he walked away but that wasn't good enough anymore. A week of that and he was damn near losing his mind. They had an unspoken agreement that they were going to take things slow but at some point too slow became standing still. And eventually standing still became going backwards if you weren't careful. Sam only wanted to move forward but he was afraid to push too hard. He knew their current arrangement was killing Mercedes as well, but knowing that didn't mean he should push. He knew she loved him instead of Shane and he pushed her until she admitted it, and looked how that turned out. Sam decided to take his cues from her, but he knew the second that she so much as looked as she was thinking about leaning in he would be all over her.

He had to taste her.

As Sam stood outside Mercedes' history class he tried to think of ways to bring up the topic of moving forward with their relationship without making it sound as if he were pushing her to make a decision. He had come up with quite a list when all of a sudden Mercedes bust through the door, grabbed his hand and said, "Follow me." Sam let her lead him without a word until he saw where she was headed.

"Ummm, Mercedes, you know Coach Sylvester will lose it if she finds out that we are in the Cheerios' copy room."

"It's okay, Santana unlocked it for me and she's keeping an eye out."

"Why do we need Santana to keep an eye ou-?"

Before Sam could finish his question Mercedes threw up the door to the copy room, shoved him inside, and quickly shut the door behind her.

"Mercedes, what in the hell…?

"Kiss me. I need you to kiss me. Now."

Sam stood stone still for a good 30 seconds. Had he heard right? Were his prayers finally being answered?

"Sam!"

Mercedes desperate tone snapped Sam out of his reverie. He looked at the wild look and her eyes and he knew instinctively that his matched her own. He wanted nothing more than to grab her, slam her up against the wall, and kiss her like it was the last thing he would ever do but something stopped him. This was going to be their first kiss. Their first time kissing where they both knew exactly what they felt for each other. Their first time kissing where there was no one else to consider. Their first time kissing as two free adults completely in love with each other. This was their first kiss and he wanted to savor every last second of it.

He was finally going to taste her.

The only sound in the room was the loud pants coming from both of them. They hadn't even done anything yet and they were both breathing like they just run a marathon. Sam crept closer and closer to Mercedes as she inched backwards until finally she was pressed up against the door and had nowhere to go. Sam kept walking until the front of their bodies were pressed fully up against each other. Sam fought the urge to do a lot more than kiss when he heard Mercedes moan softly as she unconsciously rubbed herself against him.

"Mercedes? Look at me."

Mercedes looked up at him with a slightly glazed look in her eye and he couldn't help but smirk.

"Baby, you've gotta stop."

"Why?"

Sam laughed at the slightly whiny tone of her question.

"Because if you keep that up we are really going to be doing something in here that will get us killed by Coach Sylvester."

Mercedes pouted but she forced herself to stop rubbing up against Sam's warmth.

"Soon baby, I promise."

Mercedes smiled at that and then her gaze drifted down to Sam's lips. He licked them self-consciously and she followed suit. When they were done both sets of their lips glistened and the sight only made them both hungrier for each other.

"Please Sam, I don't want to wait any longer."

Sam wanted to savor the moment a little bit longer but he was quickly learning that he couldn't refuse Mercedes anything. If she wanted him to taste her, then by God that's exactly what he was going to do.

Sam leaned in closer until their lips were touching. The stayed like that for just a second, breathing into each other's mouths before Sam slowly pursed his lips and gave Mercedes a soft kiss. His eyes slid close at the feeling, but then quickly an ache started to develop and he needed more. He placed a few more pecks on her slightly closed lips before he couldn't take it any longer and he said,

"Open your mouth for me."

Mercedes didn't hesitate and the second her lips fully parted Sam's tongue was between them. He couldn't contain his groan as he tried desperately to control himself. He promised himself he wouldn't push so much, but she tasted so good. He attempted to pull back some and slow things down but Mercedes grabbed the back of his head and said,

"Don't you dare."

Instead of replying Sam grabbed her face and turned it so that he could get deeper. The next few minutes were filled with soft moans, wandering hands, and wet, smacking noises. Sam didn't know how long they kissed before things started to get out of hand. At some point Mercedes had wrapped her leg around him and he was pressed against her fully. He knew he warned her earlier but even the wrath of Sue Sylvester wasn't enough to keep him from rocking his pelvis against Mercedes'. The rhythmic rocking turned into a lot more when Sam wrapped Mercedes' other leg around him and lifting her up before slamming her back against the door. They both moaned loudly at the action and the kissing and groping only became more frantic.

"Sam…oh, God…Sam, please baby…I need…I…oh, God…"

"What do you need? Huh? Tell me, what do you want me to do?"

"Taste me…"

Sam's heart stopped, did she really just say what he thought she said?

"Mercedes, are you sure?"

Some of the haze cleared from Mercedes' eyes and it was replaced by hurt and shame.

"You don't have to if you don't want to…I just thought…"

"Don't apologize for telling me what you want, don't ever apologize for that. How can I know how to please you if you don't?"

Mercedes dropped her gaze but smiled shyly.

"I love you Mercedes, and all I want to do is please you but is the Cheerio copy room really the place you want this to happen for the first time?"

Mercedes looked around at her surroundings and grimaced.

"I guess I didn't think this through very much, did I?"

"Well, I should hope not. Considering what I was doing to you I hope you weren't thinking at all."

Mercedes blushed and hid her face in Sam's shirt.

"Hey…" he lifted her face towards him, "don't ever feel ashamed to tell me what you want. The two of us sharing are love is nothing to be ashamed of, got it?

"Got it."

Mercedes stood on her tiptoes and gave Sam a small kiss.

"I guess we should get back before Santana pulls a Mr. Schue and comes and find us."

Sam shuddered at the thought of Santana busting in on the two of them. They would never hear the end of it.

"Yeah, let's go. I'll walk you to class."

"You going to give me a real kiss this time?"

"No."

"Excuse me? Why not?"

"Our real kisses are little too x-rated for school hallways don't you think?"

"Well…"

Sam lowered his voice and moved his lips to her earlobe and said,

"The next time I give you a real kiss I want to do it all over, do you understand."

Sam felt Mercedes tremble slightly as he tugged on her earlobe with his teeth.

"The next time I give you a real kiss I want to have all my attention focused on you which means I don't want to worry about wandering eyes, or teachers or friends busting in on us. Do you understand?

Sam listened to Mercedes swallow deeply as she clenched his forearms with her hands.

"Baby, I can't hear you. Do. You. Understand?"

"Ye..ye..y…mmm-hmmm."

Sam chuckled softly and buried his face in her neck. He took a deep breath, and tried to fight the urge to ignore everything he just said and take her right there. The thoughts were still racing through his mind when suddenly he felt Mercedes relax her grip on his arms and slowly wind them around his waist. She leaned her head against his chest and whispered,

"I love you Sam."

He smiled into her neck and then leaned back and said,

"I love you too."

They stared into each other's eyes for a minute longer before they both reluctantly straightened up their clothing and headed out the door. As Sam walked down the hallway with his girl he savored the feeling of being able to take deep, fortifying breaths while looking around and appreciating everything that was going on around him. He cherished the feel of Mercedes' hand tangled with his and the taste of her on his lips. She did that for him. She made everything clearer and brighter and more beautiful. Where there was darkness she brought light. Where there was sadness she brought loud, boisterous laughter. Where there was pain she brought love and happiness. She may have broken him, but she still put him back together piece by piece and he was stronger because of it. He never wanted to experience anything like that hellish two months away from Mercedes ever again, it was complete torture. But thankfully it was over and it was time to move forward. Now he would enjoy his present with Mercedes and look forward to what life had to bring them.

Sam looked down at Mercedes and smiled, he'd already gotten a taste of his future and he couldn't wait to start living it.


	8. Taste Part 2

She needed to taste him.

It had been one week. One week exactly since the broken pieces of her heart found their way back together. Seven days since she could breathe again. 168 hours since she found her smile. 10,080 minutes since she got her Sammy back. Mercedes knew they still had some wounds that needed to heal but she finally felt as if they were getting back to the way they used to be. The way they were over the summer back when everything was brand new and drama free. Back when falling in love with Sam was the most natural thing in the world. Mercedes missed that feeling so much but it all came rushing back in the past week. She had had little spurts of it before leading up to Valentine's Day but she couldn't truly embrace it because of Shane. She winced slightly at the thought of her ex but this time it was just passing feeling of guilt and regret as opposed to the suffocating feeling she had been living with for almost two months. She still hated what had happened but she didn't feel the need to punish herself for it any longer. She had realized that while she would like to have Shane's forgiveness one day, it was her inability to forgive herself that was holding her back. Once she was able to do that it was like a 100 pound weight was lifted off her shoulders. She would always regret the choices she made that hurt Shane, but she knew that she would never make them again. Mercedes blew out a deep breath and turned her thoughts back to Sam and instantly started to smile. Their relationship was in a weird stage at the moment, but it was one she enjoyed because it was something new. They both had extensive knowledge of the other's bodies but they still approached each other now as if they had never done anything besides hold hands. It was sweet and it up until a few days ago it made Mercedes feel all warm and fuzzy inside but now it was driving her crazy.

She needed to taste him.

Every day he walked her to class and he gently squeezed her hand with every step they took. When they got to the door he would bend down and kiss her cheek and it took every fiber of Mercedes' body not to attack him. They had an unspoken agreement to take things slow, but there was slow and then there was still. At the rate they were going turtles, slugs, and toothless infants who could barely hold their heads up where moving faster than they were. Mercedes loved Sam and she loved the fact that he was respecting some imaginary wish he decided she had to go slow, but enough was enough!

She had to taste him.

During History class while Mr. Schue droned on in the background about yet another subject he didn't know anything about Mercedes had a stroke of genius. She knew that Sam would only go as fast as she would allow so she was about to rev things up to high gear. She texted Santana who she knew was currently holed up in the girl's bathroom making out with Brittany.

-Hey, Satan

-What do you want Aretha? I'm busy.

-I know that. Let Brit breathe for a second and help a sista out.

-What's in it for me?

-I keep my mouth shut about your current whereabouts.

-Bitch

-U know it. U going to help or do I need to send Mr. Schue? Trust me he would love to bust u 2 up.

-Fine. What do u want?

-Unlock the Cheerio copy room for me and keep an eye out for Coach Sylvester.

-Why? U going to do something lame like Hobbit and Frankenteen and make a bunch of copies?

-Girl, please.

-So, what u need in the room for?

-Me & Sam need to talk about some things…

-Talk my ass. U hopping on those froggy lips?

-On his lips? No…

-Girl…

-U going to help or not?

-Can I watch?

-Hell no.

-Whatever, I'm busy with Britts anyway.

-Can I count on you?

-I got you. Just remember you owe me.

-As if you'd ever let me forget.

-U know me so well. Give me 5 mins.

-Thx girl.

Mercedes smiled softly to herself as she thought of all the things she planned to do to Sam when she got him alone. She knew he might be resistant at first, but she also knew that he wanted this as much as she did so she didn't think he'd put up too much of a fight. Mercedes tried to keep herself from fidgeting in her seat as she watched the final seconds ticked down on the clock but it was useless. The second the bell rang Mercedes jumped out of her seat and took off like she was Usain Bolt. As soon as she opened the door she ran smack into Sam. He opened his mouth to greet her but she grabbed his hand and told him to follow her. She was grateful that he was willingly following but she had no problem dragging him along if she had to. She was almost to the Cheerio copy room when she felt him tug on her hand.

"Ummm, Mercedes, you know Coach Sylvester will lose it if she finds out that we are in the Cheerios' copy room."

"It's okay, Santana unlocked it for me and she's keeping an eye out."

"Why do we need Santana to keep an eye ou-?"

Mercedes loved Sam to distraction but at that moment she really needed him to stop asking so many damn questions and put his lips to better use. She pulled open the door, shoved him inside, and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Mercedes, what in the hell…?"

"Kiss me. I need you to kiss me. Now."

Despite the force behind her words Mercedes was still terrified that Sam might reject her, and the fact that he was standing frozen in front of her was doing nothing to calm her fears.

"Sam!"

Mercedes knew she sounded desperate but she didn't care at that moment, she wanted him and she wanted him now. Thankfully, hearing his name seemed to snap Sam out of his daze and he looked up at her with hungry eyes. Mercedes knew that look. She had missed that look desperately, and more importantly she had missed what always came right after it. She waited for him to make a move but he seemed to be hesitating. She could sense he was trying to calm himself down a little bit before he kissed her but she didn't want that. She didn't want a calm, restrained Sam giving her measured kisses. She wanted a wild, passionate Sam that was going to do his best to eat her alive. She wanted him all over her. She needed him all over her.

She needed to taste him.

Mercedes could barely hear herself think over their heavy pants in the silent room. Why were they breathing so hard? Where had all the air gone? Mercedes quickly forgot all about air and breathing as she watched Sam creep up closer and closer to her. She pressed herself up against the door and waited until Sam's hard body was fully against hers. She was trapped in the most sensual way possible and she never wanted to move. His body felt like home to hers and so it started to make itself comfortable. Without even thinking Mercedes let out a low moan and begin to rub her body slowly against Sam's. It felt so good and she didn't want to stop but then she heard,

"Mercedes? Look at me."

Mercedes considered ignoring him at first because she could tell by his strained tone she probably wasn't going to like what he said but she looked up at him anyway. She immediately noticed his clenched jaw and the slightly glazed look in his eyes.

"Baby, you've gotta stop."

"Why?"

Mercedes knew she was whining but she didn't care. They were alone, it was private, and they had a look-out why did they have stop?

"Because if you keep that up we are going to be doing something in here that will get us killed by Coach Sylvester."

Mercedes weighed the consequences and realized that Sam was right and she knew that a quickie in the Cheerio copy room wouldn't be worth the certain death they would face at the hands of Coach Sylvester. She forced her body to stop but that didn't stop her from pouting a little.

"Soon baby, I promise."

Mercedes smiled up at Sam because she could hear the way he gritted his teeth when he forced out that sentence and she knew that soon meant REAL soon. She watched as Sam licked his lips and she felt herself mimic his action. His lips looked so good, and Mercedes was so hungry from him she knew she had to have him now.

"Please Sam, I don't want to wait any longer."

Mercedes gave him her patented puppy dog eyes that she found worked like a charm on him over the summer and she watched with satisfaction as he folded like a house of cards.

Sam leaned in until their lips were lightly touching. They breathed gently into each other's slightly parted mouths before Sam gave Mercedes a light kiss. Mercedes smiled at the sweet contact and the few more sweet kisses that followed. Finally when it seemed that Sam finally reached the end of the rope and he said,

"Open your mouth for me."

Mercedes gut clenched at the sound of his low, sexy voice but she didn't hesitate to open her mouth for him. The second it could fit, Sam's tongue was in her mouth and he was pressing her firmly into the door. Being in between two very hard surfaces was more of a turn on than Mercedes could have ever imagined. Sam started to slow down and give her lighter kisses but Mercedes knew he was trying to control himself and she wasn't having it. She grabbed a few strands of dirty blonde hair at the back of his head and said,

"Don't you dare."

Sam didn't say a word, he just grabbed Mercedes face and started kissing her deeper and deeper and deeper until they couldn't tell where one ended and the other began. The next few minutes were filled with soft moans, wandering hands, and wet, slurping noises. At this point Mercedes was so hot she feared she would spontaneously combust. She knew she promised Sam she would chill with all the extracurricular activities downstairs but the feeling of him against her after this all time was a temptation too strong to ignore. She wrapped her leg around Sam and she felt his firm heat pressed right there. She slowly rocked back and forth against him, but not too much because she didn't want him to make her stop. She didn't have to worry about that too much because the next thing she knew Sam had hiked her other leg up and slammed her back against the door. This time he was the one in charge of all the rocking and it felt so damn good to Mercedes.

"Sam…oh, God…Sam, please baby…I need…I oh, God.."

"What do you need? Huh? Tell me, what do you want me to do?"

"Taste me…"

The words were out of Mercedes' mouth before she could stop them, but she knew she didn't regret them. Even though she and Sam had done plenty of stuff over the summer they never did that even though Sam told her time and time again that he wanted to. She was self-conscious then but she sure as hell wasn't self-conscious now.

"Mercedes, are you sure?"

Mercedes tried not to be hurt by the uncertainty in Sam's voice but it was impossible not to be. Did he not want to do it anymore? Mercedes quickly tried to save face.

"You don't have to if you don't want to…I just thought…"

"Don't apologize for telling me what you want, don't ever apologize for that. How can I know how to please you if don't?"

Mercedes' heart warmed at his words and she felt foolish for ever doubting him.

"I love you Mercedes, and all I want to do is please you but is the Cheerio copy room really the place you want this to happen for the first time?"

Mercedes took in her surroundings and grimaced. Sam was right she didn't want to look back and remember this place as being the first time she did anything with Sam.

"I guess I didn't think this through very much, did I?"

"Well, I should hope not. Considering what I was doing to you I hope you weren't thinking at all."

Mercedes blushed and hid her face in Sam's shirt.

"Hey…" Mercedes smiled softly as Sam used his finger to tip her face up to his. "Don't ever feel too ashamed to tell me what you want. The two of us sharing our love is nothing to be ashamed of, got it?"

"Got it."

Mercedes leaned up and gave Sam a small kiss.

"I guess we should get back before Santana pulls a Mr. Schue and comes and finds us."

Sam visibly shuddered at the thought and Mercedes laughed.

"Yeah, let's go. I'll walk you to class."

"You going to give me a real kiss this time?"

"No."

"Excuse me? Why not?"

"Our real kisses are a little too x-rated for school hallways don't you think?"

"Well…"

Mercedes tensed as she felt Sam's warm breath on her earlobe.

"The next time I give you a real kiss I want to do it all over, do you understand?"

Mercedes felt herself start to tremble. What was this man doing to her?

"The next time I give you a real kiss I want to have all my attention focused on you which means I don't want to worry about wandering eyes, or teachers, or friends busting in on us. Do you understand?"

Mercedes grabbed his forearms and swallowed deeply. She couldn't figure out why her balance was shot to hell and throat was so dry all of a sudden.

"Baby, I can't hear you. Do. You. Understand?"

"Ye…ye…y….mmm-hmmm."

Mercedes wondered briefly if she would recover her use of the English language anytime soon.

Sam laughed softly into her ear and then buried his face into his neck. Mercedes closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of having him in her arms again.

"I love you Sam."

Mercedes felt him smile into her neck before he said,

"I love you too."

They leaned back in each other's arms and just took the other one in for a moment. Once they got their fill the straightened up their clothing and headed out the door. As Mercedes walked down the hallway she savored the feeling of being able to take deep, cleansing breaths. She appreciated being able to look around and take in everything around her. She thanked God for the feeling of Sam's strong, beautiful hands in hers. She licked her lips and melted at the taste of him. Mercedes once told Sam that she didn't know who she was in love but she knew now. She finally figured out that being herself…being her true self was all she ever needed to be. She wasn't her true self with Shane and even though it didn't excuse her actions in any way it still gave a reason for them. Shane deserved more than a half a woman and that's all he would ever get from her. Mercedes now knew without a doubt that the reason she felt so at ease with Sam was because she was truly herself with him. That's why she gave him her heart freely without a second thought, and that's why she didn't want it back.

Her heart belonged to him and his belonged to her and they were both finally whole again.


End file.
